You've just found out your child is being moved to a different school. Maybe your child mentioned it. Maybe you got a letter from a school you'd never heard of. Either way, your ex made a major decision about your child's education without even asking you.
If this has happened to you, here's what UK law says and what you can actually do about it.
What parental responsibility means for school decisions
In the UK, if both parents have parental responsibility (which most biological parents do), major decisions about a child's life should be made jointly. Education is one of those major decisions.
That means choosing which school your child attends isn't something one parent can decide alone. Both parents with PR are expected to agree.
If one parent moves a child to a new school without the other's consent, family courts view this as a misuse of parental responsibility. It can count against that parent if things end up in court later.
If the move hasn't happened yet
If you've found out your ex is planning to change schools but the transfer hasn't been completed, act quickly.
Tell your ex clearly that you don't consent.
Message to your ex
"I've been made aware you're looking at moving [child] to [new school]. I do not consent to a school change at this point. Education is a major decision we're expected to make jointly as we both have parental responsibility.
I'm asking you to pause any application or transfer until we've looked at it properly, for example in mediation, so we can focus on what's best for [child]."
Put it in writing. Email or text. This creates a clear record that you objected before the move happened.
Inform the current school.
Message to the current school
"I have parental responsibility for [child's name, DOB]. I understand their other parent may be trying to move them to another school without my agreement.
I do not consent to [child] being removed from roll or a transfer being processed unless both parents with parental responsibility have agreed, or there is a court order.
Please note this on [child]'s records and let me know what your process is for dealing with disputes between separated parents."
Many schools have separated parents policies that require them to check with both PR holders before processing a removal from roll. Your written objection puts them on notice.
If the move has already happened
If your child has already started at the new school, you have fewer options to reverse it quickly. But you can still:
Register your objection in writing with your ex and both schools. This creates a record that you didn't consent.
Contact the new school to introduce yourself, confirm you have parental responsibility, and get yourself added to their contact system. Whatever's happened between you and your ex, staying engaged with your child's education matters.
Consider mediation. If you genuinely believe the original school was better for your child, a mediator can help you discuss the options and potentially agree to reverse the change or find a compromise.
Seek legal advice if you want to take formal action. A family solicitor can advise whether it's worth applying to court – though be realistic about the time, cost, and emotional toll involved.
Realistic options short of court
Going to court is expensive, slow, and stressful. Before you get there, try:
Family mediation. A mediator can help you both look at the practical pros and cons of each school and try to reach an agreement. Even if you're furious, this is often faster and cheaper than litigation.
A clear written objection. Sometimes putting your position in writing – calm, factual, referencing parental responsibility – is enough to make your ex reconsider, especially if they realise it could count against them later.
Focusing on what matters now. If the move has happened and your child is settling in, sometimes the best thing for your child is stability. You can still register your objection, still establish a relationship with the new school, and still make clear that future major decisions need to be joint.
What to say to your child
However angry you are with your ex, your child doesn't need to be in the middle of it.
If they've already changed schools, help them settle. Don't badmouth their other parent for making the decision. Your child needs to feel that both their homes support them, even when the adults are in conflict.
If the move is being discussed and your child asks about it, keep it simple:
Talking to your child
"Mum/Dad and I are still figuring out what's best for school. Whatever happens, we both want what's good for you."
They don't need the details of the dispute.
Preventing this in future
If you're worried about your ex making other major decisions without you, consider:
A parenting plan that explicitly states major decisions (education, medical, religion) must be agreed by both parents.
A Prohibited Steps Order if you have genuine concerns about future unilateral decisions. This is a court order that stops a parent taking specific actions without the other's consent or court permission.
Keeping communication in writing so there's always a record of what was discussed and agreed.
You shouldn't have to deal with this. Major decisions about your child's life should involve both parents. But when they don't, staying calm, acting quickly, and focusing on your child's wellbeing gives you the best chance of a good outcome.
