Your child's come home from school and mentioned a play, a parents' evening, a non-uniform day. News to you. Your ex knew. They just didn't bother telling you.
Whether it's deliberate or just careless, being left out of your child's school life is painful. The good news is you don't have to rely on your ex to keep you informed. You can go straight to the school.
Your rights as a separated parent in the UK
If you have parental responsibility for your child (which most biological parents do), you have the same legal right to information from the school as any other parent.
Schools are expected to:
Provide duplicate reports and letters to both parents if requested, not just the one who's listed as the main contact.
Allow both parents to attend parents' evenings – either together or separately, depending on the circumstances.
Stay neutral in disputes between parents. They're not there to take sides.
Department for Education guidance is clear: schools should treat separated parents with parental responsibility equally. Many schools now have formal separated parents policies that confirm this.
Getting added to the school's system
Most schools will add a second parent to their contact list, email distribution, and online portals if asked. You just need to request it.
Script for the school office
"I'm a separated parent and I have parental responsibility for [child's name, DOB]. Please can you add my email and postal address so I receive all reports, letters and notifications directly?"
If they're hesitant or ask for proof:
If they question your request
"I understand schools should treat separated parents equally where we both have parental responsibility. If there's any reason you feel you can't share information with me, could you explain what you'd need – for example, a copy of the birth certificate or a court order?"
Most of the time, simply asking is enough. Schools deal with separated families all the time.
Getting access to online portals
Many schools use apps or portals for homework, behaviour logs, payments, and messages. These can sometimes be set up with separate logins for each parent.
Ask the school office:
Portal access request
"Is it possible to set up a separate login for me on [app name/portal]? I'd like to see [child]'s homework, messages and updates directly rather than relying on information being passed on."
If the system only allows one login, the school can usually still send duplicate emails or letters to your address.
Parents' evenings
If attending parents' evening with your ex would cause tension, most schools will arrange separate appointments.
Requesting separate appointments
"If separate parents' evening appointments are possible, I'd be grateful. My aim is to keep things calm for [child]."
You don't need to explain the details of your relationship. Just ask. Schools do this regularly.
What if the school is reluctant?
Most schools are helpful once they understand the situation. If you're meeting resistance, a few things can help:
Ask about their separated parents policy. Many schools have one, and it usually confirms both parents' rights to information.
Reference DfE guidance. The Department for Education's parental responsibility guidance is clear that schools should share information with both parents who have PR.
Put your request in writing. If verbal requests aren't working, an email to the head or school administrator creates a record and often gets a faster response.
Ask what would satisfy them. If they're worried about a safeguarding issue or a court order they're not aware of, ask what documentation would help. Usually showing your child's birth certificate is enough to confirm PR.
Stop relying on your ex
Once you're on the school's system directly, you don't need to depend on your ex passing things on. You'll get the emails, the dates, the newsletters. You can book your own parents' evening slot. You can pay for the school trip yourself.
This isn't about cutting your ex out. It's about making sure you're informed about your child's education regardless of how well (or badly) you're communicating with each other.
Your child benefits when both parents are engaged with their school. Setting this up properly means that happens even when co-parenting is difficult.
