If you're staring at yet another empty PE bag wondering how you're meant to magic up a spare set of pumps by Monday morning, you're not alone. Uniform and clothes piling up at the other house is one of the most common co-parenting frustrations in the UK.
It's doing your head in. And the worst part? Schools won't get involved, your ex won't budge, and your kid's the one who ends up going in without the right kit.
Here's what actually works.
Why schools won't help (and what they can do)
Schools see uniform disputes as a parent issue, not something they'll police between homes. They're not going to chase your ex for the missing jumper.
But they can help in other ways:
Spare kit. Most schools will keep a spare jumper or PE kit for a child who's regularly caught in the middle. Ask the school office if this is possible.
Uniform grants. If you're on a low income, some schools have hardship funds or can point you to local authority uniform grants. Worth asking.
Logging concerns. If uniform issues are part of a wider pattern of conflict or neglect, schools will log it. They won't take sides, but safeguarding teams may signpost support if needed.
The long-term fix: duplicate basics
The solution that actually works long-term is to stop relying on things coming back.
Keep a full set of basics at each home: school shoes, PE kit, coat, one complete uniform. Yes, it costs more upfront. But it ends the weekly argument and your kid stops being caught in the middle.
If money's tight, focus on the essentials first: school shoes, coat, and PE kit. These cause the most problems when they don't come back.
Create a "what travels" list
If duplicating everything isn't realistic, agree a simple list of what travels with your child and what stays put.
Example: school shoes and coat always travel. Jumpers and PE kit stay in whichever home they're in.
Put it in writing. Something like:
Message to your ex
"I've noticed uniform is often at different houses which is making mornings stressful for [child]. I'd like to agree a simple plan so [child] isn't caught in the middle.
Would you be open to each of us keeping one full set of uniform in our homes, and agreeing that school shoes and coat always travel with [child] on changeover days?"
If they won't engage with this, you can still implement your side of it. Keep your basics at your house regardless of what they do.
What to say to the school
If your child is regularly turning up without correct uniform because of what's happening between homes, let the school know. Keep it neutral and focused on your child, not on blaming your ex.
Script for the school office
"We're separated and having some difficulty with uniform between homes. I want to make sure [child] isn't penalised. Is there any way to keep a spare jumper or PE kit at school, or access any uniform support funds if needed?"
You can also ask:
If you're worried about being blamed
"Please note that both parents have parental responsibility. If there are ongoing issues with [child]'s uniform that concern you, I'd be grateful if you could let both of us know."
This makes sure you're not the only one being contacted if uniform issues are flagged.
If it's part of a bigger pattern
Sometimes uniform isn't really about uniform. It's about control, or punishing you, or just chaos at the other house.
If clothes not coming back is part of a wider pattern of your ex making co-parenting difficult, it might be worth including it in a mediation conversation. Family mediators will frame it as a practical problem to solve, not a moral one.
Things worth agreeing in mediation:
Minimum kit each home will keep. School shoes, coat, one full uniform as a baseline.
What travels back and forth. A simple, predictable routine like "uniform goes straight into the bag after school on Sunday."
How to handle loss or damage. Shared fund, alternating responsibility, or just accepting some wastage.
The message that opens the door
If you want to raise this with your ex but don't want to start a fight, here's a neutral opener:
Neutral message to your ex
"I'd like to sort out the uniform situation so it's less stressful for [child]. I'm happy to discuss it over message, or in mediation if you'd prefer, so we can get a clear agreement that works for both of us."
You're not accusing them of anything. You're just asking to solve a problem together. If they refuse to engage, you've still got the message on record showing you tried.
What you can control
You can't force your ex to return clothes. You can't make them care about the PE kit. What you can do is set up your own home so your child has what they need regardless of what happens at the other house.
Duplicate the essentials. Let go of the stuff that doesn't come back. Focus your energy on making mornings less stressful for your kid, not on winning the uniform war.
It's not fair. But it works.
