You've found an app that could make everything easier. Shared calendar. Expense tracking. Messages that can't be twisted or denied. You can see how it would help.
Your ex has said no.
Maybe they called it "unnecessary." Maybe they said you're being controlling. Maybe they just ignored the invite completely. Whatever the reason, you're stuck wondering: now what?
Here's what you actually can and can't do.
The hard truth first
You cannot force your co-parent to use an app. If they don't want to engage, they don't have to.
That's frustrating to hear. But knowing it saves you from wasting energy on the wrong battle.
What their refusal actually means
In high-conflict situations, refusal isn't random. It's often about control. A co-parent who relies on "I never said that" or "you didn't tell me" loses that when everything is in one place. A shared calendar and clear messages make certain behaviours harder to sustain.
Their refusal tells you something. It might not feel like a win, but it's information.
What you can do right now
Use the app yourself anyway. Most co-parenting apps—Pick Up included—work even if only one parent is on them. You still get a clear calendar. You still track expenses. You still have everything in one place. If they join later, everything syncs. If they don't, you've still got your side organised.
Send invites through the app. When you send a schedule update or expense through the app, it generates an email notification to your co-parent. They might not log in, but the email exists. If they later claim they didn't know about something, you have proof you told them.
Keep your own texts and emails minimal. If they insist on texting, keep your replies short and factual. Don't get drawn into long back-and-forths outside the app. The more you engage on their terms, the less incentive they have to move somewhere organised.
What not to do
Don't pay for their account to force the issue. Some parents try this. It rarely works. If someone doesn't want to use an app, paying their subscription doesn't change that. You've just spent money on an account they'll ignore.
Don't make it a battle. The more you push, the more they resist. State your preference once, clearly. Explain the benefit for the kids. Then let it go. Your ongoing use of the app speaks for itself.
Don't lose track of things. If they won't use the app, keep your own notes elsewhere. Save important texts. Keep a simple log of handovers and expenses. Staying organised helps you, regardless of what they do.
The longer game
Some co-parents come around eventually. Once they see you using the app consistently—and realise they can't dispute what's logged there—the appeal of joining increases. You don't need to convince them. You just need to keep using it.
Others never will. And that's okay too. You can only control your side. An organised, low-drama approach helps you and your kids, regardless of what your ex chooses.
The goal was never to get them on an app. The goal was to make co-parenting less exhausting. You can still do that.
