Child Maintenance and Shared Expenses — Plain English Guide

Money is the second-biggest source of conflict

After communication, money causes the most arguments between separated parents. It is not hard to see why. You are trying to divide a household budget that used to be shared, cover the costs of raising a child across two homes, and do it all while navigating a relationship that has probably broken down.

Nobody teaches you how to handle this. There is no class you take when you separate that explains how child maintenance works, what counts as an extra expense, or how to split the cost of new school shoes without it turning into a row.

This guide explains how child maintenance works in the UK in plain language, what it does and does not cover, and how to set up a simple system for tracking shared costs so that money becomes one less thing to argue about.

What child maintenance actually covers

Child maintenance is a regular payment from the parent who does not have the main day-to-day care of the child to the parent who does. It is meant to contribute towards the child's basic living costs.

In practice, that means:

• Food — everyday meals, snacks, packed lunches
• Housing contribution — a share of rent or mortgage, council tax, and household bills
• Clothes — day-to-day clothing (not necessarily school uniform or special items)
• Utilities — heating, water, electricity used in the child's home

That is it. Child maintenance is meant to cover the child's everyday needs with the main carer. It is not meant to cover everything, and that is where most of the arguments start.

How the Child Maintenance Service works

The Child Maintenance Service (CMS) is the government body that can calculate and, if needed, collect child maintenance payments. You do not have to use it. Many parents make their own private arrangement, which is known as a family-based arrangement. But the CMS is there if you cannot agree between yourselves.

How the amount is calculated

The CMS calculates maintenance based on the paying parent's gross weekly income, which is usually taken directly from HMRC tax records. The amount is then adjusted for:

• The number of children you are paying for
• The number of overnight stays the children have with the paying parent (more nights means a lower payment)
• Whether the paying parent has children in another household

The rate bands

There are several rates depending on income:

• Nil rate — if the paying parent earns under £7 per week or is on certain benefits, no maintenance is payable
• Flat rate — £7 per week if gross weekly income is between £7 and £100, or the parent is on certain benefits
• Reduced rate — for gross weekly income between £100 and £199
• Basic rate — for gross weekly income of £200 or more (up to £3,000). For one child this is 12% of gross weekly income, for two children 16%, and for three or more children 19%

These are rough figures. The actual calculation accounts for shared care and other factors. You can get an estimate using the GOV.UK child maintenance calculator, which takes about five minutes.

CMS fees

This is the part that catches people out. If the CMS collects maintenance on your behalf (called Collect and Pay), there are fees on both sides:

• The paying parent pays a 20% surcharge on top of the maintenance amount
• The receiving parent has 4% deducted as a collection fee

These fees are meant to encourage parents to make their own private arrangements. If you can manage a family-based arrangement where the paying parent transfers money directly, neither of you pays any fees. If that is not possible because of trust issues or non-payment, the CMS collection service is there as a safety net.

The extras that cause arguments

Child maintenance covers the basics. It does not cover extras, and that word — extras — is where most co-parent arguments about money actually happen. These are the costs that come up regularly but are not part of the CMS calculation:

• School uniforms, PE kits, and school shoes
• School trips — day trips, residential trips, activity fees
• Clubs and activities — swimming lessons, football, dance classes, Scouts
• Childcare costs — breakfast clubs, after-school clubs, holiday clubs
• Birthday presents and Christmas gifts
• Medical costs not on the NHS — orthodontics, glasses, prescriptions in England
• Haircuts
• Winter coats and seasonal clothing
• Technology — a phone for an older child, a laptop for schoolwork

None of these are covered by the CMS calculation. They need to be agreed between you separately. And if you do not have a clear system for handling them, each one becomes a potential argument.

The most common pattern we see is not that parents refuse to pay for things. It is that they never agreed who pays for what in the first place, so every expense becomes a negotiation from scratch.

How to track shared expenses

The simplest way to avoid arguments about money is to write things down. It does not need to be complicated. A basic spreadsheet or shared document with a clear structure is enough.

A simple expense sheet structure

Useful categories

• School — uniform, trips, equipment, stationery
• Clothes — shoes, coats, seasonal items
• Medical — prescriptions, dental, optical, therapies
• Activities — clubs, sports, music lessons
• Childcare — after-school club, holiday club, babysitting
• Other — haircuts, phone top-ups, birthday party costs

Tips that actually help

• Review monthly or quarterly. Do not let expenses pile up for months. A regular review keeps the running total manageable and stops resentment from building.
• Keep receipts. A photo on your phone is fine. You do not need to keep paper receipts in a folder, but you do need proof of what was spent.
• Agree categories in advance. Decide which types of expense you will split and which each parent covers on their own. Write this down.
• Do not spring large expenses on the other parent. If something costs more than a reasonable amount (you might agree on anything over £30 or £50), discuss it before you buy it.

Pick Up has built-in expense tracking that lets both parents log costs, attach receipts, and see a running balance of who owes what. It removes the need for a separate spreadsheet and keeps everything alongside your schedule and messages.

Making payment work

Having a clear payment system is just as important as tracking the expenses themselves. Arguments often happen not because of the amounts but because of how and when money changes hands.

• Agree a clear payment method. Bank transfer or standing order works best because it creates a record. Avoid cash where possible — it is too easy for either parent to dispute.
• Set a regular date. Pick a day of the month, such as the 1st, and stick to it. Predictability reduces conflict.
• Keep a running balance rather than settling every small item. If you are splitting costs 50/50, it is easier to tot everything up at the end of the month and make one payment for the difference, rather than sending money back and forth for every pair of socks.
• Be specific about what counts as an extra. Write it down. If school uniform is an agreed shared cost but everyday clothes are not, make that clear so there is no ambiguity when the receipt appears.

When you can’t agree

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you and your co-parent cannot reach agreement on money. That is not unusual and it does not mean you have failed. Here are the options:

Mediation. A trained mediator can help you work through financial disagreements in a structured way. Family mediation is specifically designed for these situations and is far cheaper and quicker than going to court. Many mediators offer a free initial meeting (called a MIAM — Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting), and you may be eligible for legal aid to cover mediation costs.

The Child Maintenance Service. If a private arrangement breaks down — perhaps the other parent stops paying or disputes the amount — you can apply to the CMS. They will calculate a figure based on the paying parent's income and can enforce payment if necessary. There is a £20 application fee, but this is waived if you are a victim of domestic abuse.

Keep records of everything. Whatever happens, keep a clear record of what has been agreed, what has been paid, and what is outstanding. If you ever need to involve the CMS, a solicitor, or a court, having a factual, unemotional record of the financial history will be more valuable than anything else.

The goal is not to win an argument about money. It is to make sure your child has what they need without the financial side of things making an already difficult situation worse.